As children head back to school—whether in person or virtually—parents may have some concerns about how they will adapt to a new, potentially stressful academic year. Aliza Pressman, PhD, Co-Founding Director and Director of Clinical Programming for the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, answers some of your questions.
How can I address my children’s anxiety about going back to school in person?
Start by making sure that you are calm and not imposing your own anxiety onto the conversation. Your children will pick up on your energy and you want to be focused on their concerns. Also, remember that your anxiety—and your child’s anxiety—is very reasonable at this challenging time. If your child is anxious, don’t try to get rid of that anxiety. Instead, validate their feelings. Tell them that what they are feeling makes sense. Children have been out of school for a long time and for months have been hearing about the importance of staying away from people. Now they’re going to head back into a building full of people. Of course they are nervous.
Once you’ve validated your child’s emotions, explain that you would not send them back to school if you did not think they would be safe. Go over the precautions that the school is taking to protect teachers and students and, for younger children, remind them about what COVID-19 is and what individual measures they can take to keep themselves safe while at school.
Will my child’s learning be affected by having their teachers wear masks?
This is a natural concern. Our facial expressions are part of how we communicate and masks obscure half the face. One way to prepare your child is to practice communicating and reading people’s emotions when they are wearing a mask. Make a game of it. Have everyone at home wear a mask and guess what each person is trying to say by just using body language. Once your kids go back to school, you can reinforce the lessons they are receiving in the classroom; for instance, have them read to you. You’ll probably pick up cues from your children about what they need, and you can adjust accordingly. Remember, kids are incredibly adaptable, more so than adults.
How can I help my child connect with their friends while attending school remotely?
If your child is attending school remotely, they will probably miss spending time with their friends, and interactive screen time is a great way for them to safely connect. Since screen time may be your child’s only opportunity to socialize, you might even want to allow more screen time than you permitted before the pandemic. Just make sure it doesn’t interrupt family mealtime, homework, or replace outdoor activity.
Also, remember that some kids don’t enjoy online interaction. Some children enjoy a more passive interaction like being in the same virtual room as a friend while doing an art project. This allows children to chat with each other without the pressure of an ongoing conversation. As kids get older, they will be able to tell you how they want to connect with their friends. It may be through a video game, taking an exercise class together, or watching a movie together. Or, they may just want to talk on the phone or text.
How do I talk to my child about what is happening in the world?
Before you talk with your child about current events, make sure that you have come to terms with your own state of mind. You don’t want to enter the conversation with the weight of your own feelings. When you are ready to talk, determine what you want to discuss before beginning the conversation. Whether it is COVID-19, social unrest, or something else, begin by asking what they know and what they’re thinking about regarding the topic. You want to be your child’s first resource with any questions and concerns. Be prepared to explain your opinions.
When should I seek professional help?
If you or your child cannot manage to sleep or eat or are feeling out of control, consider seeking the guidance of a mental health professional. It is completely reasonable to feel overwhelmed; this is an enormously stressful time. And, remember, if your child sees that you are willing to seek help, they will know that it is okay for them to do the same.