Isolation, uncertainty about tomorrow, and fear of consequences that are out of their control can be common experiences, especially for those in abusive relationships. According to Angela Fernandez, Assistant Director of the Sexual Assault and Violence Intervention (SAVI) Program at Mount Sinai, the voluntary seclusion that many have been practicing in order to prevent the spread of COVID-19 may be compounding these realities for survivors of intimate partner violence.
“Abusers will often isolate a survivor and disconnect them from their support network,” says Ms. Fernandez. “COVID-19 is just another factor that makes these challenges harder for a survivor.”
How can survivors remain safe and connected to support when physical distance is essential for safety? As we weather the current pandemic, Ms. Fernandez provides safety tips for survivors—and their loved ones—that are applicable now and as we enter a new normal due to COVID-19.
Identify a “go to” person or network of people in your physical or digital community.
As much as possible, create scheduled check-ins with your support network, and identify at least two people you can contact with an established code word or phrase that will let them know that you are in trouble. Using this word or phrase will indicate that you need an immediate help or intervention.
Discuss with your support network what “getting help” means to you.
“Getting help” is a catch-all phrase that could mean any number of things. Be sure to let your support network know what should happen immediately after you use a code word/phrase/sentence. Would you like someone to help de-escalate a situation, should someone call 911, or do you need to leave?
“Every survivor’s situation is unique and evolving,” says Ms. Fernandez. She notes that physical violence is often seen as the main threat to a survivor’s safety, despite the prevalence of psychological, emotional, and sexual abuse—which are often concurring and are equally damaging to their well-being. “Using a code word or phrase could very well indicate the immediate need for emotional first-aid as much as a physical intervention.”
Be prepared to leave if your situation escalates.
Think about the easiest and safest routes for you to get out of your home quickly, if necessary. Keep an emergency bag that you can quickly fill (or, pre-packed if safe to do so) with a portion of your medication, money, important documents, and food and that you can access on your own time. Keep your identification on you as much as possible.
Identify the “safest” spaces inside.
To protect yourself during times of escalation, think ahead about what spaces feel safest. This might mean a room where there are no weapons (i.e. avoiding the kitchen) and/or has easy access to a door or window to exit the house or apartment. Identifying the safest areas within the home can at least reduce the risk of harm.
If you are part of a survivor’s support network, remember that the person experiencing intimate partner violence knows their situation best.
What you believe to be best may differ from the survivor’s lived experience. In fact, for a survivor, the risks of leaving can often outweigh the risks of staying—especially during a pandemic that has exacerbated economic instability.
Supporters should be careful not to take control away from survivors, which is what the abuser is doing on a daily basis.
“When we look at the power and control dynamics, just because you think you are taking action with good intentions, doesn’t make it any less disempowering for a survivor,” says Ms. Fernandez. “We should be helping to re-empower that person by making sure they have space to consider what is best for them.”
This is especially important now when there are fewer resources available due to the pandemic but holds true during “normal times,” Ms. Fernandez says. Seeking police intervention should be the exception and not the general practice for supporting survivors of intimate partner violence, she says, but this calculation changes if there is a threat of serious and imminent harm.
If you or a loved one needs advice, assistance, or support regarding sexual assault or intimate partner violence; the Sexual Assault and Violence Intervention (SAVI) Program at Mount Sinai is available to help. For more information, visit the SAVI website or call 212-423-2140.
Additional resources include the National Domestic Violence Hotline and Safe Horizon, which provides social services for survivors throughout the five boroughs.