Life can get messy, and it’s natural to feel stressed out and anxious. Thankfully, there are many things you can do to alleviate those unsettling feelings.

“You might feel a sense of anxiety, dread, uncertainty, disillusionment, or a little bit of fear—all of those things make sense in times of stress, and all of those feelings are within the range of normal emotions,” says Jonathan DePierro, PhD, Associate Director of the Center for Stress, Resilience, and Personal Growth at Mount Sinai, which provides services that support the resilience and mental health of health care workers, first responders, and the general public.

Don’t avoid doing things

Sometimes, when people get really stressed, they stop doing the things that make them feel less stressed because they don’t have the energy and don’t feel like it anymore, says Dr. DePierro.

“That is not great, because it cuts off that source of stress relief,” he notes. If you have routines to destress, like yoga, exercise, spiritual practices, hobbies, or hanging out with friends, it is even more important to do those things when you’re feeling demotivated.

“If you catch yourself not wanting to do them, do them anyway,” he says.

Not all relief has to involve big gestures—some can be quick and accessible, such as breathing exercises. A simple thing to try is “box breathing,” which involves taking a deep breath for four seconds, holding it in for four seconds, exhaling for four seconds, and then pausing for another four.

“The idea is that this can function as a reset button to our fight-or-flight response,” says Dr. DePierro. “This reminds your body that in this moment, you are safe. You might not know what will happen in the next week or 10 years from now, but right at this moment, you can remind yourself through changing your physiology that you are safe.”

Helping your friends helps yourself

Putting calendar reminders or alarms to do joyful things can be helpful, but so is telling a friend about your action plan.

“You might tell a friend, ‘Hey, I’m going to get on the bike at 2 pm, can I call you while I’m on the bike? Or can we do it together, either next to each other or virtually?’ and that can be really meaningful,” says Dr. DePierro. If both individuals are struggling, having each other for accountability helps pick both of you up.

You can start that by checking in on your friends, especially if you feel they might be going through similar stressors.

“It could be an unhappy face or waving hand emoji, and that initiates a conversation,” says Dr. DePierro. “It doesn’t have to be something elaborate.”

It requires a little bit of bravery and vulnerability to tell somebody you trust that you are suffering and not doing well, but if you do, they can try to understand what’s going on with you and support you, he adds.

Checking in on your friends is good for your friends, but it’s also good for you. Acting altruistically and offering support activates the positive emotion centers of our brain, notes Dr. DePierro. Sometimes, when people go through difficult times, they lose their sense of meaning and purpose, but it’s really important to recommit to one’s core values, and to align daily actions, even in very tiny ways, to those core values.

Use tools to place limits

It is very easy to “doomscroll” and be caught in a loop of negative news through social media and the internet.

There aren’t a lot of guardrails on some of these platforms, and strong emotions, misinformation, and conflicting information can come through unfiltered and unmoderated. “These can trigger a fight-or-flight response, enough to make the heart race and incite feelings of nausea or being tense,” says Dr. DePierro. These are not helpful states to be in, especially right before bed.

If you have to check the news or social media, don’t do it right before sleeping, and especially not while in bed, he points out. These can impact your quality of sleep.

Setting screen time limits can help too—just as a parent might set them for kids, adults can benefit from them, and nowadays there are built-in tools and applications that can help.

Part of why doomscrolling is bad is that the act is without intention and becomes a negative feedback loop, where the bad thing reinforces the bad. “It’s easy to keep scrolling and only see nothing good,” says Dr. DePierro. “In those instances, I might suggest a ‘palate cleanser’ instead on those platforms. Is there something you can watch that makes you feel good? Videos of puppies, perhaps? Or something inspiring.”

Being intentional about finding content that gives a sense of joy helps break the cycle of doomscrolling. Flagging, bookmarking, and favoriting those uplifting pieces of content so you can always return to them is helpful. “Think of it as a virtual shoebox of things that make you feel good, which you can use,” he adds.

Learn when to seek professional help

If the feelings of unease and anxiety persist for weeks or even months, or especially if they disrupt your daily life, it might be time to seek professional help. This could include a primary care provider or a therapist.

It’s important to note that a singular feeling, while distressing, does not necessarily indicate a psychiatric disorder. “Just feeling sad alone does not make a depressive episode, or having a bad memory does not make post-traumatic stress disorder,” says Dr. DePierro. It usually has to be a cluster of symptoms occurring over weeks to months for it to be considered a mental health disorder, and this is where professional help can make that determination, he says.

For many kids, the back-to-school season stirs up nervous feelings.

“It’s normal for anxiety to gear up before kids go back to school. Some are able to adapt, and that anxiety soon fades away. But others continue to experience heightened stress and worry,” says Saniya Tabani, PhD, Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Mount Sinai Hospital.

Whether a child is experiencing short-term back-to-school jitters or something more long lasting, parents and caregivers can do a lot to support them.

“It’s common for kids and teens to experience anxiety. But we’ve also seen great strides in our understanding of anxiety, and there are resources in place to help them,” Dr. Tabani says.

Some nerves are normal when kids are starting a new school year, taking a big test, or trying out for a sports team. But anxiety can show up in different ways.

“There’s a spectrum of typical responses,” Dr. Tabani says. Those can range from healthier coping strategies—like eagerly laying out back-to-school outfit days in advance—to less-healthy strategies, like procrastinating on a summer reading assignment that’s due on the first day of school.

In general, there are two signs that suggest school-related anxiety might be cause for concern, Dr. Tabani says. The first is mood changes, such as increased worry, irritability, sadness, or withdrawing from social situations. The second is physical changes like headaches, upset stomach, or sleeping more or less than normal.

Saniya Tabani, PhD

“If you notice these types of symptoms, it’s a sign that the child’s anxiety is becoming more significant,” she says.

Anxiety can derail kids, interfering with their school success and social life. Yet anxiety is often predictable. By planning ahead, you can help your child work out what Dr. Tabani calls a “cope-ahead plan.”

The plan draws on a skill taught in dialectical behavior therapy, which teaches people how to increase their tolerance for distress. “It’s hard to think about how to react to a stressful situation when you’re in a tornado of emotions,” she explains.

By following these eight steps, caregivers can help kids and teens plan for the situations that make them worry.

Identify the challenge: What, specifically, is your child worried about? Are they concerned they won’t be liked by peers? Afraid they’ll get lost in their new school? Nervous about getting good grades in a tough course? “Have a conversation with your child or teen to better understand where their anxiety is coming from,” Dr. Tabani says.

Name emotions, thoughts, and actions: You’ve identified the challenging situation that makes your child feel anxious. Help them practice naming the specific emotions they may be feeling. Also guide them to identify worry thoughts connected to these feelings. Next, help them consider how their feelings about it and thoughts affect their behavior. If a child isn’t feeling smart enough for their honors class, what does that make them do? Do they not want to go to school? Avoid studying? Run to the bathroom if there’s a chance they might get called on?

Check facts: Nervous thoughts can quickly spiral. Stress about a test can turn into “I’m not smart enough for this class and if I don’t get an A I’ll never get into college.” Validate your child by acknowledging their fears, Dr. Tabani says. Then help them step back to consider whether the facts match their feelings, or if they might be falling into a “thinking trap” (a mistake in the way we think about things, such as assuming the worst-case scenario is also the most likely scenario). “Encourage them to look at whether their thoughts actually fit with the evidence,” she says. “Gently push back to help them see things rationally.”

Choose a coping strategy: “Different situations call for different ways of coping,” Dr. Tabani says. If a child gets anxious taking tests, for instance, they might try deep breathing exercises as the teacher hands out the exams. If a teen is worried about losing their temper or crying in public, they might work with a therapist to practice distress tolerance skills.

Imagine: The next step is to picture the stressful situation as vividly as possible. Help your child picture the situation in detail. Where are they sitting? Who is around them? How are they feeling? Then help them picture their coping strategy in action. If they’re concerned about getting teased by bullies, they can imagine how they’d look to a friend for support or turn to a trusted teacher. “Imagining a situation is a good way to work out the kinks,” she says.

Rehearse: Now it’s time to practice. Caregivers or friends can help a child act out the stressful situation and practice using their coping methods. Families can do this by helping the child visualize the situation or roleplaying at home. A parent can pretend to be a teacher or classmate, for example.

Envision coping with your biggest fear: While you don’t want to focus on the negative, it can be helpful to have a child rehearse how they might respond to their worst-case scenario. Chances are, their biggest fear won’t come to pass. And even if it does, they’ll feel more in control if they have imagined—and practiced—how they would respond.

Practice relaxation: Just imagining the things you’re afraid of can set your nerves on edge. As you work through these steps with your child, help them learn relaxation strategies like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or engaging in sensory exercises like smelling a calming scent or cuddling a pet or favorite plush. “When kids are feeling more relaxed about their fears and anxieties, these coping strategies feel more achievable,” Dr. Tabani says.

Parents and caregivers have an important role to play in helping kids learn to manage their anxiety. But you can’t solve all of their problems for them—nor should you try, Dr. Tabani says.

“It’s a delicate balance between providing structure and support, and not fragilizing children,” she says. That means you should help them develop a coping plan to manage their test anxiety—but you shouldn’t let them stay home from school on test day to avoid the stressful scenario altogether.

“Families may have the urge to treat kids as less capable of coping with these things than they actually are. Remember that kids today are incredibly smart and sophisticated—and resilient,” she says.

Still, many young people need support to put coping skills in place. If you notice that anxiety or depression is getting in the way of your child’s everyday activities, reach out to a mental health professional.

“They can tailor these coping strategies to a child’s individual needs,” Dr. Tabani says. “And if you notice any signs of self-harm or suicidal thoughts, or have any concerns about safety, refer to a mental health professional right away.”