The COVID-19 pandemic is incredibly stressful for adults and can be puzzling and frightening for children. Aliza Pressman, PhD, co-Founding Director and Director of Clinical Programming for the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, shares advice for parents and guardians on how to manage your child’s anxiety as we navigate the uncertain times of COVID-19.
Are there steps I should take to help my child’s mental health?
This is a very confusing time for adults and kids. Typically, when kids are going through a new experience it is one that we, the adults, have been through. We’ve worked through it, we’ve grown up, and we’ve come out the other side. In this case, none of us have ever been through this and so our kids can’t look to us for that safe secure feeling. We don’t have a road map.
Be honest with your kids. Tell them that you know this is a new experience for all of us. Tell them that you understand if it feels scary or if they are worried. Remind them that you are right there with them.
How should I respond to my child’s anxiety?
Give your child permission to talk about what they are feeling and worrying about. Acknowledge their anxiety even if it has nothing to do with COVID-19 or is only slightly related to the pandemic. For instance, children may feel stress because they miss their friends or aren’t allowed to celebrate an event like a graduation or birthday. Try not to diminish their feelings or say ‘we have bigger things to worry about than your birthday party.’ Instead, tell them that you know it’s really hard. Let them know that you are aware that this is a big change. Assure them that you can figure out how to have celebratory experiences, even if they are not quite how you originally planned them.
This is a very challenging time for everyone. You can explain to children that they are being asked to be health superheroes. Through the practice of social distancing and by washing their hands thoroughly, they are keeping themselves safe and helping to protect others who are more vulnerable. This is a wonderful, empowering message that does not scare children.
Is it important that I keep my child’s routines going?
Although it can be hard to keep routines going during a time that has very few routines, kids and adults thrive on knowing what to expect each day. So, try to set up a flexible routine for the coming weeks or months.
I encourage writing out a plan for your children. If they are younger, you can draw a picture of the routine of the day or use photos from magazines to help them understand what to expect. Ask older children to come up with what they think is a good daytime routine. You want to make sure they are comfortable with the schedule, but you also want to get certain boxes checked about what needs to happen each day. Make sure that it includes something healthy for their bodies, something healthy for their brain, something healthy for their relationships, and so forth.
It’s also important to let children have some enjoyment. Allow them to be happy about getting out of some obligations they had prior to practicing social distancing. Your kids might be a little bit happy about spending more time at home with their parents. Let them know that it’s okay to have mixed feelings.
Also, allow yourself to embrace the new normal and accept that there may not be a completely perfect routine and predictable day-to-day experience. Children need to know what to expect, but they’re also very flexible if you explain clearly that there may come a time when the unexpected will arise. Children can take in new information and, if you are consistent, they will understand that you are there for them. Finally, if you are having any concerns about you or your child’s health and wellbeing, be sure to reach out to your health care provider for guidance and support.
Dr. Pressman is the host of parenting podcast Raising Good Humans. Recently, she and Mariel Benjamin, LCSW, from The Mount Sinai Parenting Center, answered questions from health care providers and staff on the front lines to help support their parenting curing COVID-19. Additionally, The Mount Sinai Parenting Center maintains a COVID-19 resources page for parents, caregivers, and health care workers.