With the holiday season upon us, it’s that time of year when we take a moment to reflect and give thanks for the wonderful blessings in our lives. We gather with family and friends to feast and celebrate, and we express our gratitude through acts of kindness and appreciation.
Children are excited for the big season ahead and the wonder of it all. But how do we encourage them to embrace and express gratitude—and not only now but all year round? It might be a bit of an abstract concept for some little ones.
There are many reasons why teaching kids gratitude is important, according to Aliza Pressman, PhD, co-Founding Director and Director of Clinical Programming for the Mount Sinai Parenting Center. She explains how practicing gratitude has been linked to many positive outcomes and ways to express gratitude.
“Gratitude is a value that your family can hold dear and practice together in various ways,” she says. “It can be a family tradition that is celebrated all year round. But it’s not just about teaching kids to say, ‘thank you.’ We all know that being grateful is about so much more than that. We need to ask kids ‘How did that make you feel?’ This way, they can start linking the emotion and the feeling of gratitude with the words.”
In addition, gratitude can have health benefits for kids—such as improved relationships, better physical health, reduced depression and anxiety, enhanced empathy, reduced aggression, better sleep, increased resilience, and improved performance at school or with chores at home.
Dr. Pressman suggests starting a “gratitude practice” in your own life, and modeling one for your children.
“Cultivating gratitude in our children balances the many challenges we all face, and helps to promote connected, grounded and involved citizens in our communities,” she says. “However, we sometimes fall into a trap of forcing a feeling of gratitude in our children and this is not something we can force.”
In fact, gratitude takes patience. “The benefits of a gratitude practice expand over time, unlike many of the quick fix or feel good solutions we usually turn to,” she says. “Effects of gratitude occur in the prefrontal cortex and make us more sensitive to emotional connectivity and relationships with others.”
Here are five ways we can help children learn to express gratitude:
- Model saying “thank you” and help your child to thank others in whatever way they feel comfortable. Write thank you notes, make cards, or send videos to show others you are grateful for them. Sharing a message to say thank you means so much.
- Use the phrase “I really appreciate” when noticing acts for which you are grateful.
- Play the rose/thorn/bud game at the dinner table. For the rose, name one sweet part of the day. For the thorn, name one challenge. For the bud, name one thing you are excited for or are looking forward to.
- Volunteer in your community. Find an opportunity to help others and discuss how that act adds value to your own life and a sense of purpose.
- Create a gratitude journal that you fill out on holidays or special occasions. This can be a gratitude tree for Thanksgiving or a birthday gratitude journal. Have each family member participate and read the entries from the year before.
Consistency is the key to helping make lasting change in your family, so keep it simple and easy for you to work into everyday life. Avoid labels like “spoiled” in your own home, and focus instead on feeling appreciative for what you have and what surrounds you.
“Let your children feel grateful for whatever comes naturally to them, and don’t judge. Remember that your goal is to inspire your children into building this muscle, not force them into it,” says Dr. Pressman. All of your hard work, thoughtfulness, and efforts now will have an great impact on your children for years to come. This is a wonderful way of sharing gratitude and giving thanks full circle.”