Some stress is part of everyone’s life. But there are times when the daily demands of the job or school, the complications of home life, the pressure of living in the New York metropolitan area, and the state of the world can combine to leave you feeling physically and emotionally overwhelmed. As you face these stressful experiences, you may notice your sleep is disrupted or certain muscles in your body are more tense or find you are lacking energy or a sense of enthusiasm or confidence.
You know you need to do something. But what?
In this Q&A, Jacqueline Hargrove, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, says you can start by separating “stressors,” those things like multiple work deadlines, numerous familial responsibilities, or upsetting news events, from stress, which is your body’s understandable response to these stressors. Once you do that, she offers five tips on how to improve your mindset and increase your flexibility so you can begin to improve how you manage stress and get unstuck from cycles of chronic stress even while the stressors of life persist.
Get physical
The best way to deal with the stress is to do things that are physical. That helps break down those stress-related hormones that increase our heart rate and our breathing and get us ready for action—so that they don’t linger in the body. This can be a whole host of different things. Anything that literally just gets your heart rate going, or breathing deeply is fair game. Physical activity helps your body reach a calmer state. A lot of folks may not like going to the gym or going for a run. So, you can take a brisk walk through your closest park, or dance to a few of your favorite songs. Or just focus on deep breathing or breathing exercises.
Alternatively, you can connect with other people and soak up some physical affection. If you’ve ever come home from work and been greeted warmly by your partner, your child, or even a pet, you know how that can be comforting and stress reducing. Even laughing and crying can be helpful, as many may know from having a good cry or experiencing a deep belly laugh. Afterwards, you feel better, because it’s a physical process that actually helps us release some of that stress and tension that can stay stuck in our bodies.
Figure out what you can control and what you can’t
A lot of the stressors we face today are out of our control. With this in mind, it’s important to understand whether a stressor you are facing is something you have some control over, and can problem solve, or not. If there is something, even a small thing, that you can do and is in your control that will help reduce or eliminate the stressor then absolutely do it. However, if it’s something that’s more chronic or something that you don’t necessarily have control over, try to see what meaning you can gain from the experience, or try to ensure that you aren’t dealing with the challenge alone. Many aspects of our day-to-day lives, such as work responsibilities or managing the care of a child or family member, can come with stress. But often it is the positive meaning we can associate with the purpose of our jobs or the people we love that can help us mitigate the stress associated with them. However, let’s say you are dealing with a stressor that is truly unpleasant and feels unbearable. Sometimes just shifting our expectations, or temporarily accepting the way things are in the moment, can actually reduce stress. This is because we are no longer fighting with what we are expecting of other people or with our desires for things to be a certain way that we really can’t control. This isn’t to say you should give up on getting your needs met or figuring out ways to address the stressor—certainly not. However, shifting our expectations or learning to accept the ways things are in the moment can get us out of a tug of war with the issue, can preserve our energy, and can actually give us space to face the issue with more clarity and creative problem-solving down the road.
Take stock of your environment and surroundings. It’s not necessarily all on you
Try to contextualize your stress. What I mean by that is, sometimes we can think we have a personal failing because we’re so stressed out. But if we just take a minute to step back, we realize there’s so much going on in our lives and it makes sense we feel stressed. Dealing with economic uncertainty or facing continually upsetting national and global news events is stressful. Being a caregiver to a child or family member can be an added level of stress that other people do not have to manage. Navigating your life as a person of color, an immigrant, a member of the LGBTQ community or a person living in an under-resourced neighborhood has its own stress due to discrimination or systemic barriers that disproportionately affect these communities. There are so many ways in which our identities and the roles we have can contribute to the stress that we experience. In this way, it can help to acknowledge how our identities and the environment we are in play a role in the day-to-day stress we experience. This can help us not be so self-critical and can also help us identify ways to manage that stress and find empowering ways to deal with the stressors.
Redefine productivity
In the United States, there is a common narrative that centers around always needing to be productive, and that is a culture that is ripe for stress. Productivity can simply mean intentionally working toward a meaningful goal. So, let’s say your goal is mental health and well-being, then rest can be a really productive thing that you’re doing in line with that goal. Making time for yourself can therefore be productive. Also, capitalize on idle time. This can include choosing to not do anything during those five minutes in between meetings. Or if you take public transit during your commute, maybe intentionally getting off one stop earlier and extending your walk home. Finding time when you don’t need to be engaging with your day-to-day stressors can be really important.
Learn to say no
Learn to say no to things and learn to set boundaries. A lot of our stress can come from sometimes feeling like we have to say yes, or put more and more on our plates, when it actually isn’t in our best interest to do so. If you’re saying yes to things, and you have the ability to say no, you can ask yourself: Is this benefitting me? Does engaging in this activity help me feel energized and excited? Or does it end up making me feel depleted and resentful? Take time to listen to your body, set some boundaries, and find ways to reclaim some of your time and energy.
Overall, it’s important to remember that stress, not chronic stress, is a part of life. However, we can learn ways to process the stress so it doesn’t build up in our bodies and develop effective ways to deal with life’s stressors that can help us feel more empowered and resilient.