Life can get messy, and it’s natural to feel stressed out and anxious. Thankfully, there are many things you can do to alleviate those unsettling feelings.
“You might feel a sense of anxiety, dread, uncertainty, disillusionment, or a little bit of fear—all of those things make sense in times of stress, and all of those feelings are within the range of normal emotions,” says Jonathan DePierro, PhD, Associate Director of the Center for Stress, Resilience, and Personal Growth at Mount Sinai, which provides services that support the resilience and mental health of health care workers, first responders, and the general public.
Actions that help you feel better do not have to be big undertakings—you can begin with something as simple as a breathing exercise, says Dr. DePierro, who is also Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.
For those who might feel overwhelmed when the going gets tough, Dr. DePierro shares some pointers on getting past those hurdles and being resilient.
First things first: Have self-compassion
Sometimes people kick themselves or blame themselves for having certain reactions, but those reactions make sense, and it is OK to be in those states.
“For example, today I am not feeling my best, and I may not feel my best tomorrow. I may not even feel my best next week,” says Dr. DePierro, “but cutting yourself a break and not expecting the best out of yourself or out of the people around you during trying times is a good way to start.”
It is important to take time to acknowledge and engage your feelings. Avoiding them isn’t going to make you feel better, he adds.
Jonathan Depierro, PhD, Associate Director of the Center for Stress, Resilience and Personal Growth, and Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.
Don’t avoid doing things
Sometimes, when people get really stressed, they stop doing the things that make them feel less stressed because they don’t have the energy and don’t feel like it anymore, says Dr. DePierro.
“That is not great, because it cuts off that source of stress relief,” he notes. If you have routines to destress, like yoga, exercise, spiritual practices, hobbies, or hanging out with friends, it is even more important to do those things when you’re feeling demotivated.
“If you catch yourself not wanting to do them, do them anyway,” he says.
Not all relief has to involve big gestures—some can be quick and accessible, such as breathing exercises. A simple thing to try is “box breathing,” which involves taking a deep breath for four seconds, holding it in for four seconds, exhaling for four seconds, and then pausing for another four.
“The idea is that this can function as a reset button to our fight-or-flight response,” says Dr. DePierro. “This reminds your body that in this moment, you are safe. You might not know what will happen in the next week or 10 years from now, but right at this moment, you can remind yourself through changing your physiology that you are safe.”
Helping your friends helps yourself
Putting calendar reminders or alarms to do joyful things can be helpful, but so is telling a friend about your action plan.
“You might tell a friend, ‘Hey, I’m going to get on the bike at 2 pm, can I call you while I’m on the bike? Or can we do it together, either next to each other or virtually?’ and that can be really meaningful,” says Dr. DePierro. If both individuals are struggling, having each other for accountability helps pick both of you up.
You can start that by checking in on your friends, especially if you feel they might be going through similar stressors.
“It could be an unhappy face or waving hand emoji, and that initiates a conversation,” says Dr. DePierro. “It doesn’t have to be something elaborate.”
It requires a little bit of bravery and vulnerability to tell somebody you trust that you are suffering and not doing well, but if you do, they can try to understand what’s going on with you and support you, he adds.
Checking in on your friends is good for your friends, but it’s also good for you. Acting altruistically and offering support activates the positive emotion centers of our brain, notes Dr. DePierro. Sometimes, when people go through difficult times, they lose their sense of meaning and purpose, but it’s really important to recommit to one’s core values, and to align daily actions, even in very tiny ways, to those core values.
Use tools to place limits
It is very easy to “doomscroll” and be caught in a loop of negative news through social media and the internet.
There aren’t a lot of guardrails on some of these platforms, and strong emotions, misinformation, and conflicting information can come through unfiltered and unmoderated. “These can trigger a fight-or-flight response, enough to make the heart race and incite feelings of nausea or being tense,” says Dr. DePierro. These are not helpful states to be in, especially right before bed.
If you have to check the news or social media, don’t do it right before sleeping, and especially not while in bed, he points out. These can impact your quality of sleep.
Setting screen time limits can help too—just as a parent might set them for kids, adults can benefit from them, and nowadays there are built-in tools and applications that can help.
Part of why doomscrolling is bad is that the act is without intention and becomes a negative feedback loop, where the bad thing reinforces the bad. “It’s easy to keep scrolling and only see nothing good,” says Dr. DePierro. “In those instances, I might suggest a ‘palate cleanser’ instead on those platforms. Is there something you can watch that makes you feel good? Videos of puppies, perhaps? Or something inspiring.”
Being intentional about finding content that gives a sense of joy helps break the cycle of doomscrolling. Flagging, bookmarking, and favoriting those uplifting pieces of content so you can always return to them is helpful. “Think of it as a virtual shoebox of things that make you feel good, which you can use,” he adds.
Learn when to seek professional help
If the feelings of unease and anxiety persist for weeks or even months, or especially if they disrupt your daily life, it might be time to seek professional help. This could include a primary care provider or a therapist.
It’s important to note that a singular feeling, while distressing, does not necessarily indicate a psychiatric disorder. “Just feeling sad alone does not make a depressive episode, or having a bad memory does not make post-traumatic stress disorder,” says Dr. DePierro. It usually has to be a cluster of symptoms occurring over weeks to months for it to be considered a mental health disorder, and this is where professional help can make that determination, he says.